Pay your bills.

Pressure. Pressure Pressure. Be better be faster be bolder be thinner. Be.
If you don't respond quickly you disappear, if you make one mistake it ends your career falling at the bottom of the ditch don't bitch or drop the pitch, looks are can and will be deceiving cover ups can be relieving.
Will you make enough to afford that exotic trip to the grocery store, have some processed meat and cheese in your cart to feed your score of dependents? No stamps for you , no insurance for you ,work harder afford nothing pay more pay more. All the time you could enjoy is destroyed by employ.. will you ever be free?

Put the beer down.

hate hate hate, all i hear and see around, noise anger echoes engines. Constant mind scattering scraping sounds flow through me and I cannot pull out this hair that provokes me. I have numbed my mind by BAC . Instead of facing and looking at me. I flee. I destroy all that surrounds me when I pour a drink . My career is going in the toilet not the sink. Love scares me into self loathing. I must let go of my damage before it's irreversible.

Superstar

Your not really there , it's just the radio.
Pain surrounds you of those you love.
Can you cure them of isolated heartache and hatred when it is pumped into us intravenously  by forcible medias and social network?
Will you be able to comply and reach out to them when you know they suffer but there are others who have it worse and choose not to be narcisstic?
Can you boost the hope they may have still the faith in themselves?
Will you abandon ship and walk the plank with them?
Questions that cross us in our relationships and families, how far will you go to save someones life when you created their life?
To the grave.

American Pie

As a child, I loved my country. I was so proud to stand and pledge allegiance to the flag. I was a Brownie. My grandfather was a war hero from World War 2. My father was in Vietnam. I thought wow, how lucky are we to be here, in this place of opportunity! With ignorance comes bliss, with age comes knowledge. The holidays people celebrate with families I deny myself from getting into . It all seems surreal to symbolize the death of a wonderful man as a joyous occasion. Thanksgiving? What did we give the Natives of our nation besides disease some crappy land and gunpowder? We spread "democracy" all over the world, yet we do not even practice it as a nation. We want to cover up nature with a tshirt and humiliate women for breastfeeding. We want you to eat genetically modified vegetables and can throw you in jail for growing vegetables or raising chickens without torturing them. We deny the endangered species list but want to own a boa constrictor to be the different person in the community at least until it grows to large and then we dump it in the Everglades. What is wrong with us? We know what we need to do to make changes in the country yet we deny the chance to start locally! I have given up hope for our nation where I actually had it with Obama. I do not know who to vote for anymore. Noone inspires me, everyone says the same calculated bullshit on a teleprompter. Go have a piece of pie and watch American Idol cause that is all that's left of our integrity.

Venus in Furs

I think this song, described you in every way. You doe eyed hells angel. You could get men to drop their entire checkbook with a glance. All the years we have spent trying to get well and here I left you behind when I thought we were on the same ride. We loved , we hated we rejoiced we despaired. We became our own worst enemies and our best friends. You brought life into this world but left it with guilt and sorrow. I wish I could have seen your pain when you were at my house, I caught a glimpse and now you are gone. latex and lipstick ,you represented well. Downy sins of streetlight fancies, chase the costumes she shall wear Ermine furs adorn the imperious, Severin Severin awaits you there. Strike dear mistress and cure his heart. I hope you found a cure for your heartbreak cause you broke a lot of hearts yesterday.

Stephanie.

I had lost so much faith in humanity, I never thought kindness and understanding was left in people. My past with her husband was so tormenting , we had never met so I feared her as danger. Then face to face, she warmed me up with her beautiful heart. I was no longer afraid of my past , and wanted her to be in my life. My princess got to meet her other family ,and Stephanie became a close personal friend to me. She stood up for me to my junkie thieving roommate and helped inspire me to come back a fighter. We did not see each other for a while, but she inspired forgiveness to people who hurt me in the past. Then one day I heard the panic and sadness in her voice for she had a great loss in her life. I wanted to be there so badly to hug her and I still owe her one. Individuals that inspire you and help spark positive change should always be recognized publically. Thank you girl

Trust Issues.

Right now I feel like I am in purgatory waiting for test results. I worry with worst case scenarios when I should be living day to day. I am lost in spirit, my fear has taken me. I am going to try to get myself back, positive me come back, dreamer me, come back. Goodbye Fear Goodbye Anxiety, see no evil hear no evil be no evil, fear no evil., My life is amazing, I am grateful to my creator for what I have had in it, the people I have in my life are also amazing. I want to bottle my childhood homes smell and whenever I feel fear inhale the clear air. Come back to me comfort, come back to me relief. Others can face anything, so can I. I pray my results are positive and I know God will help me handle anything.