Stephanie.

I had lost so much faith in humanity, I never thought kindness and understanding was left in people. My past with her husband was so tormenting , we had never met so I feared her as danger. Then face to face, she warmed me up with her beautiful heart. I was no longer afraid of my past , and wanted her to be in my life. My princess got to meet her other family ,and Stephanie became a close personal friend to me. She stood up for me to my junkie thieving roommate and helped inspire me to come back a fighter. We did not see each other for a while, but she inspired forgiveness to people who hurt me in the past. Then one day I heard the panic and sadness in her voice for she had a great loss in her life. I wanted to be there so badly to hug her and I still owe her one. Individuals that inspire you and help spark positive change should always be recognized publically. Thank you girl

Trust Issues.

Right now I feel like I am in purgatory waiting for test results. I worry with worst case scenarios when I should be living day to day. I am lost in spirit, my fear has taken me. I am going to try to get myself back, positive me come back, dreamer me, come back. Goodbye Fear Goodbye Anxiety, see no evil hear no evil be no evil, fear no evil., My life is amazing, I am grateful to my creator for what I have had in it, the people I have in my life are also amazing. I want to bottle my childhood homes smell and whenever I feel fear inhale the clear air. Come back to me comfort, come back to me relief. Others can face anything, so can I. I pray my results are positive and I know God will help me handle anything.

do I feel alive?

Deceived often by my thoughts I begin my day before the anxiety kicks in . The thoughts of how dangerous I could become to myself and others if I let go of control haunts me taunts at me until I have to lock myself in a room. I torment my self by calling out coward , face your demons. I am sickly in the mind and soul at times. I long to be healed for the past to become fainter and trust myself again as a sane person. I still find myself trying to fix things with medication and avoidance. How do you become an entire soul, a free spirit when you lost your carefree side and are more robotic and catatonic because of the lives you have lived and the lies you have believed. I want to be soft like a cat , independent, unafraid, eager to be free again...Until then I am a scared , trapped mouse with no hole to escape from.

Remembering Bones

I can't exactly put my finger on which day or occasion I met Bones, but I have some funny and fun memories with him. One of my favorite ones is when he and Andie May ventured out to my dads in the foothills of the Appalachians , he was scared to death that he was in Deliverance. I remember vividly how he loved the hillbilly music spoons, handbone, washtub and how intrigued he was with all of the people. Later on after many beers and weed, he jumped in my dads hot tub with a bunch of us , of course wearing nothing. Many a smile that guy has brought to my friends and family . I hope everyone can still smile at their special memories they have with him even though these circumstances are brutal and painful for us all.