American Pie

As a child, I loved my country. I was so proud to stand and pledge allegiance to the flag. I was a Brownie. My grandfather was a war hero from World War 2. My father was in Vietnam. I thought wow, how lucky are we to be here, in this place of opportunity! With ignorance comes bliss, with age comes knowledge. The holidays people celebrate with families I deny myself from getting into . It all seems surreal to symbolize the death of a wonderful man as a joyous occasion. Thanksgiving? What did we give the Natives of our nation besides disease some crappy land and gunpowder? We spread "democracy" all over the world, yet we do not even practice it as a nation. We want to cover up nature with a tshirt and humiliate women for breastfeeding. We want you to eat genetically modified vegetables and can throw you in jail for growing vegetables or raising chickens without torturing them. We deny the endangered species list but want to own a boa constrictor to be the different person in the community at least until it grows to large and then we dump it in the Everglades. What is wrong with us? We know what we need to do to make changes in the country yet we deny the chance to start locally! I have given up hope for our nation where I actually had it with Obama. I do not know who to vote for anymore. Noone inspires me, everyone says the same calculated bullshit on a teleprompter. Go have a piece of pie and watch American Idol cause that is all that's left of our integrity.

Venus in Furs

I think this song, described you in every way. You doe eyed hells angel. You could get men to drop their entire checkbook with a glance. All the years we have spent trying to get well and here I left you behind when I thought we were on the same ride. We loved , we hated we rejoiced we despaired. We became our own worst enemies and our best friends. You brought life into this world but left it with guilt and sorrow. I wish I could have seen your pain when you were at my house, I caught a glimpse and now you are gone. latex and lipstick ,you represented well. Downy sins of streetlight fancies, chase the costumes she shall wear Ermine furs adorn the imperious, Severin Severin awaits you there. Strike dear mistress and cure his heart. I hope you found a cure for your heartbreak cause you broke a lot of hearts yesterday.

Stephanie.

I had lost so much faith in humanity, I never thought kindness and understanding was left in people. My past with her husband was so tormenting , we had never met so I feared her as danger. Then face to face, she warmed me up with her beautiful heart. I was no longer afraid of my past , and wanted her to be in my life. My princess got to meet her other family ,and Stephanie became a close personal friend to me. She stood up for me to my junkie thieving roommate and helped inspire me to come back a fighter. We did not see each other for a while, but she inspired forgiveness to people who hurt me in the past. Then one day I heard the panic and sadness in her voice for she had a great loss in her life. I wanted to be there so badly to hug her and I still owe her one. Individuals that inspire you and help spark positive change should always be recognized publically. Thank you girl

Trust Issues.

Right now I feel like I am in purgatory waiting for test results. I worry with worst case scenarios when I should be living day to day. I am lost in spirit, my fear has taken me. I am going to try to get myself back, positive me come back, dreamer me, come back. Goodbye Fear Goodbye Anxiety, see no evil hear no evil be no evil, fear no evil., My life is amazing, I am grateful to my creator for what I have had in it, the people I have in my life are also amazing. I want to bottle my childhood homes smell and whenever I feel fear inhale the clear air. Come back to me comfort, come back to me relief. Others can face anything, so can I. I pray my results are positive and I know God will help me handle anything.

do I feel alive?

Deceived often by my thoughts I begin my day before the anxiety kicks in . The thoughts of how dangerous I could become to myself and others if I let go of control haunts me taunts at me until I have to lock myself in a room. I torment my self by calling out coward , face your demons. I am sickly in the mind and soul at times. I long to be healed for the past to become fainter and trust myself again as a sane person. I still find myself trying to fix things with medication and avoidance. How do you become an entire soul, a free spirit when you lost your carefree side and are more robotic and catatonic because of the lives you have lived and the lies you have believed. I want to be soft like a cat , independent, unafraid, eager to be free again...Until then I am a scared , trapped mouse with no hole to escape from.

Remembering Bones

I can't exactly put my finger on which day or occasion I met Bones, but I have some funny and fun memories with him. One of my favorite ones is when he and Andie May ventured out to my dads in the foothills of the Appalachians , he was scared to death that he was in Deliverance. I remember vividly how he loved the hillbilly music spoons, handbone, washtub and how intrigued he was with all of the people. Later on after many beers and weed, he jumped in my dads hot tub with a bunch of us , of course wearing nothing. Many a smile that guy has brought to my friends and family . I hope everyone can still smile at their special memories they have with him even though these circumstances are brutal and painful for us all.

Injustice for all

I have anger in my heart that I have never had before. My friend was a casualty of police misjudgment early Monday morning. You never expect things on Facebook to turn out to be accurate but 1 pm on the Channel 12 news I realized this was true. My first question is why him?

It should by why anyone, but right now I am feeling selfish. I can understand being a police officer is a dangerous job when you are dealing with dangerous people. Bones was not dangerous, he may have been intoxicated and I am expecting that he may have also been a smart ass. Is that something you should be killed for? There are police officers that get DUI's and keep their jobs. Police officers kill people and get a vacation in this case. I want to do whatever it takes to keep this going until the truth comes out. For now I am spewing venom and feeling like I am a mother load of misinformation and uncertainty. I am going to miss you friend, I would have rather have known you to be happy traveling . Now I guess you are traveling in outer space . I promise no one will ever give up until the truth comes out. There is no rest for the wicked. ACAB!